


In The Still of The Night

by orphan_account



Series: Sherstrade Domesticity [9]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Late Night Conversations, M/M, Peace, Promise, True Love, Validation, Vignette, expressions of love, vow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9580439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When too many moments had passed without a word, Greg pushed Sherlock for his feelings. ‘Does it bother you that I have a life from then that could still impact upon the life I have now, thatdoesstill impact?’...in the quiet of their bed, Sherlock asks Greg the big questions, and Greg provides the honest answers.





	

The room was quiet and still but neither man was sleeping. Sherlock lay on his back with his head cushioned on Greg’s chest and was securely held by Greg’s right arm around his back. Sherlock’s hands held Greg’s left hand, inspecting it in the palm and fingertips. Holding the limb with his left hand, Sherlock’s right index finger drew lazy circles on Greg’s palm. He breathed in through his nose and held it a moment, and the resulting exhale escaped him in something like a sigh. Greg turned his head slightly, able to feel Sherlock’s hair beneath his chin, and angled his neck to kiss the younger man’s crown before he rested his head comfortably back on the pillow beneath him. 

‘That was a big sigh,’ he said with a voice husky from a period of non-use. ‘Something on your mind?’ 

Sherlock’s index finger stilled and instead he laced his long fingers into Greg’s and let their combined limbs fall softly onto the duvet. ‘Do you miss your wife?’ 

Greg was taken aback by the weight of the question and he wondered if Sherlock had been plagued by it through their earlier sexual ministrations. He inhaled and licked his tongue across his lips. ‘I think there’ll always be a part of me that misses her a little bit; she was a big part of my life and she brought my kids into the world. I’m always going to have a niggle that wonders about her, romanticises the relationship we once had, but I don’t miss her in the sense that I want that relationship back.’ He explained carefully, articulately - he hoped, and pulled Sherlock to him that little bit closer with his right arm. 

‘But you miss your kids in that sense - the _wanting them back_ sense?’ Sherlock asked. His voice was unchanged, still inquisitive in the way it had been with the previous question and, thankfully, he didn’t sound hurt by the response Greg had given. 

‘I’m their father; I’d be a heartless bastard if I didn’t want them to be here with me.’ Greg replied honestly, ‘But I know that they’re happy with their Mum, and with her partner, and I get to talk to them every week and I get to see them in the holidays. Do I wish I could see them all the time? Of course I do. But I don’t wish things were different with you and me to make that happen, just to happen alongside the life I have now.’ Sherlock didn’t say anything for a period of time. He lay still and quiet with his hand still interlocked with Greg’s and his head still secure on Greg’s chest. When too many moments had passed without a word, Greg pushed Sherlock for his feelings. ‘Does it bother you that I have a life from then that could still impact upon the life I have now, that _does_ still impact?’ 

‘No,’ Sherlock said quietly. ‘I love Susie and Joe, they’re great kids.’ 

‘But?’ Greg voiced what he felt hanging between them. 

‘But nothing,’ Sherlock stated. ‘I won’t lie, I don’t like that she’ll always be linked to you but she’s linked to you for vital reasons, for your children, and that’s something I would never want to see ripped from underneath you.’ He pursed his lips drew his bottom lip in, holding it between his teeth for a moment. ‘When we spent the night together back then, I was with Victor and there was a history that impacted on our present then, that changed things for us, and you accepted that. Neither of us were new to relationships when we met, Greg, we can’t expect each other not to have a past, or commitments.’ 

Greg smiled at the maturity in the lad’s words and tightened his arm around him again as acknowledgement of his sentiments. ‘I know Maggie isn’t the easiest woman to be between us and that she’s been a bitch to you whenever she’s had the chance. It means a lot to me that you take it on the chin for the sake of my relationship with Joe and Susanna.’ Greg said softly. 

‘It’s just such a shame that Susie looks so much like her,’ Sherlock said lightly and Greg’s slight hum of laughter made a vibration run down Sherlock’s spine as he felt the reverb through his head. ‘I suppose I just think about it occasionally, let my mind get the better of me in wondering if you ever look at me and...wonder if I’d never walked into your life the way I did, would your marriage still be intact and your children still be close?’ 

Greg’s heart thudded at Sherlock’s admission. ‘The marriage was broken long before I knew you, Sherlock, we just never wanted to admit it. I’ll always be thankful for the clarity I got from understanding I’d never been happy with her. You saw through it in those first few months I knew you, you saw what she was doing when I was working, you knew who she was when I wouldn’t admit it to myself. You helped me see through the veil of wanting to keep it together for Joe and Susie and let me realise that I had known all along that it would be so much better for the two of them if Maggie and I didn’t force ourselves to be together anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I know you were telling me everything you were telling me because you were a junkie prick and you just wanted to show your smarts and destroy me if you could - but nothing you ever said was wrong, or off the mark…’ Greg took a deep breath. ‘You stormed into my crime scene, you helped me to destroy a marriage I knew was already dead, and then you planted yourself into my life and rewarded me with a happiness I never felt with Maggie. I can’t thank you with words for the changes you’ve made in my life - I just hope you know that you’re the most important thing that has ever happened to me. Love has never felt so sincere.’ 

Sherlock’s breath caught in his throat at Greg’s openness and he swallowed over the painful hitch of emotion that made his throat feel constricted. Had he dwelled, he could have cried, but he turned. He released Greg’s hand from his own and twisted himself around to lie on his side and wrap his right arm across Greg’s waist. He planted his ear firmly over Greg’s chest and held tightly as though the world had just turned upside down and he would fall off if he had nothing to ground him. ‘Of course I know,’ he said quietly, closing his eyes as those tears threatened to surface despite himself. He didn’t say all the words he wanted to say - he didn’t tell Greg that he owed him his sobriety; he didn’t tell him that he owed him his ability to wake up and not have his first thought be heroin. He didn’t tell him that when he woke in the night with nightmares of the horrors he’d seen, it was knowing Greg was holding him tightly that reminded him that safety did exist. He didn’t tell him that it hurt to be away from him, that love and respect and the desperate need to be honest had never felt so strong as it did right now, right here, thanks to him. He couldn’t say it - what words could he use, even in his broad vocabulary, to describe the true feeling of love and peace and honour when the one who provided it was beyond explanation? 

Greg wrapped both of his arms around Sherlock’s frame as the younger man pressed himself as close to him as he could get. He turned his head, and kissed Sherlock against his curly hair. ‘Never, ever, for one single moment of the life we’ve got together, think that anything would be more important than preserving this.’ He vowed.


End file.
